We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
