i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
