I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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