its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I could have mohawked her pubes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
