it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize