Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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