Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
