I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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