my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
