also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
