No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
