he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
