You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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