My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
