just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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