If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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