I understand Curling. That high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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