If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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