You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
