remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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