you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
