You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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