I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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