If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
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i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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