he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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