Duck Duck Cougar?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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