I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
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That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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