I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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