stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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