her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
