no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
