is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
