one might say we're banned from that church
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
