i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
