now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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