I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
