At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
