i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
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what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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