Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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