just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
