I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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