u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
