**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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