gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
