Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
