i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
