I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
