If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How does one acquire holy water?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
