my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
