I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I cut my penus on the lid.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
