Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
