He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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