i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
