OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
