Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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