he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
